Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Out of Shape!!!!

I have to keep reminding myself that I did just have a baby 5 1/2 weeks ago! I feel great! I've been walking everyday and even with my lack of sleep I have plenty of energy!
I was so excited to start back at Hot Yoga last night! It has been WAY too long! When I tried Hot Yoga 3 years ago I was immediately hooked!  I went to this amazing little studio, Yoga Energy in Florida about 2 times a week.  Yoga has always been my way of finding myself again after a hard days work or just a lot going on in my life that is out of my control. But Hot Yoga was on a whole other level! Hot Yoga is a regular Yoga workout but in a room that is 100 to 105 degrees. You literally feel like you are going to die while you're doing it the first few times, but you get used to it and it gets easier. You have so much energy afterwards its almost like you took a magical pill to give you copious amounts of energy! Not to mention you are literally drenched from head to toe in sweat and you're releasing so many yucky toxins! It's super hard but relaxing at the same time. It's not for everyone but I would definitely recommend at least trying it once in your life!

Anyway, I was so happy to finally find a Hot Yoga studio here in Hawaii to get started back as it has been over a year since i've been! Hot Yoga Nimitz only offers Hot classes. It is a small studio with one room. The studio is super nice and is the first studio I've ever been too with a locker room and showers. Shocking. Throughout the session, I started to realize that my body was definitely no where near the shape it was the last time I had done Hot Yoga. I could barely do some of the basic poses without having to come out of them early. My flexibility was almost non-existent.  My balance was so offset I could hardly stand still on one foot. Probably because I was full of milk on one side and empty on the other(I knew I should have pumped before I left the house). My breathing was loud and labored and I couldn't focus! It was embarrassing. No one there knew I had just had a baby and I felt the pressure to be as good as everyone else in the room but I was definitely not! For a few minutes I felt ashamed of my body. Why haven't I bounced back yet? I feel great! I've already lost the majority of my pregnancy weight and with only 8 pounds left to pre pregnancy weight I thought I was right back where I was before. NOT EVEN CLOSE! I wasn't in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant but I loved Yoga and I was really good at it! I had even mastered my half-moon pose! But last night I looked like a big ol gorilla trying to stand like a flamingo! Wobbly and all over the place!  
To add some humor to my night, it was a good thing I did the HOT Yoga because I was sweating so much, thank goodness no one could tell I was leaking! I fed Peyton just before I left but as soon as we started doing floor poses and attempting to lay on my chest I swear you would thought someone was "milking" me like a cow. It was everywhere! How embarrassing right? Luckily it looked like I was just sweating ALOT. I had a good laugh at that on my way home at least. Smelling of sweat and milk. Delicious right?
Being proud of my post pregnancy body is difficult for me. I am proud that I delivered naturally without pain medicine. I am proud that I carried a baby to full-term, I have the stretch marks to prove it.  But realizing i'm not going to bounce back like I had hoped isn't easy. 
It is going to take time and a lot of dedication on my part but I am not going to sacrifice time with my daughter to do so. I see these celebrity mom's that look amazing just weeks after they deliver than they did before they got pregnant and it just makes me sick because I know they have a personal trainer with them all day long to tell them what to eat and how to work out and kicking their ass, but they aren't spending time with their baby. There are days I realize I haven't eaten breakfast and its time for dinner. When I walk, I walk with my baby. She loves being carried and loves being outside. Luckily our neighborhood is huge with a lot of sidewalks to walk on. 

Ok well I think I was just frustrated last night and felt a little down after yoga and I needed to vent. I know I'll get back in shape it's just going to take awhile with some hard work and dedication!

Thursday, March 14, 2013

First month of Mommyhood!


We had to wait til 8pm to leave the hospital on Feb 8th because it had to be exactly 36hrs. We were so ready to get home! We didn't have anyone to watch the dogs for us so unfortunately they had to be home alone for that entire time. Brad was able to run home a few times to take them out and feed them but it wasn't long. I knew they were confused and I felt so bad but thats the price we pay for being so far away from home. I couldn't wait to bring Peyton home to meet her big brother and sister but I was very anxious about it(yes we are that family that calls our dogs our kids). They were the babies before and are SUPER spoiled! What were they going to think of this tiny human taking our attention away from them? 

Brad brought home one of the first blankets they used to wrap Peyton up at the hospital. He put it in the crate with them so when we brought her home they would recognize her scent. I definitely think it helped! Coming home that night I went upstairs to let them out as I hadn't seen them in 2 days and I looked different than they last saw me. I had a few moments alone with them to get them calm before we went downstairs. There was no calming them down though! They were frantic but in a good way! They knew something was different about me and they could sense she was downstairs. 

All the while i'm upstairs with the dogs, Brad is downstairs getting Peyton out of the carseat. Low and behold from the time driving home from the hospital(a total of maybe 10 minutes) she managed to pee and poop all over herself. Literally flooded her diaper, up to her belly and all over the carseat. 


Once we got her all cleaned up I let the dogs out from upstairs. Brad waited til they calmed down a bit and he sat on the floor holding Peyton and slowly let Maverick and Miley get their first whiff of their baby sister!!!! They were so good! They didn't act scared or angry. They just wanted to be close to her. As this month came and went I find them always watching her or sitting as close as possible to her or where ever she is. It is the sweetest thing ever! We truly have the best dogs!!


Brad and I have had more conversations about poop in the last month than I could have ever imagined. We are not that couple that talks about things like that let alone walk in on each other in the bathroom and continue talking. But now we talk about how many dirty diapers each of us has changed today. What they looked like, etc. It's quite entertaining actually. We both have had all sorts of bodily fluids from our tiny baby on us on more than 1 occasion. It's funny that a baby so small and SO beautiful could have smells & sounds like that come out of her. But I love it! 

Peyton's first bath! 
Speaking of poop, she loved her first bath so much she pee'd and pooped in it within the first 5 minutes! 

Brad has been such an amazing daddy! I knew I loved Brad before but to see his eyes light up when he holds her and kisses her; it just solidifies the love I have and why I married him. I didn't know I could love him more than I already did but wow. They have their special time together at night when he gets home from work. He puts her jammies and lotion on and gives her baths on certain nights. It's important that they have special things that just they get to do together. I can't wait for them to go on daddy daughter dates! Brad will make them fun!  Peyton is already a daddy's girl and he is so wrapped around her little finger!!! I can already hear Peyton as a toddler walking around saying she is going to marry her daddy (just like I did). 

I am so thankful for my hubby being the man he is wanting to venture out of the house! He gets cabin fever staying home too long. If I had it my way I wouldn't take her any where anytime soon. I have such bad anxiety to take her out in public. What if she gets sick? What if we get into a car accident? What if someone tries to take her? What if I forget something she needs? What if I forget her in the car? What if I lock myself out of the car and she is still in it?  I have nightmares every night of something happening to her. So far we have been out to dinner a few times to small, quiet restaurants; walked downtown Waikiki, go on walks around the neighborhood; and I have even ventured out on my own with her to the grocery store once! I am getting better but I would much rather stay at home with her because I know she is safe there! 

In the first month of being a mom I did experience the baby blues. But mine was a little different. I never felt sad when I looked at her or felt any depression towards being a mom. However, I have had my breakdowns on if i'm doing a good job. My baby blues occurred a few days before she came and a few days after leaving the hospital. I want Peyton to feel loved always by everyone around her. It was extremely hard to be at the hospital and have not one single visitor come meet Peyton. Being so far away from home is much harder than anyone that hasn't been through it thinks it could be. I wanted those pictures of family and friends holding her for the first time so she could see how many people were so excited that she was finally here. It's time like this I feel a "resentment" towards the Coast Guard. I know it's the absolute best thing for our family but taking us away from people that love us and placing us on what seems like the other side of the world is just not fair (I keep telling myself, just 12 more years til he can retire and we can go HOME!!!). 
I know Peyton doesn't need proof that so many people love her but it's just something that I wanted for her and it was really hard for me to wrap my head around her not having those pictures. We were lucky enough to have Brad's mom and my mom come out right after she was born to meet her and love on her. And my best friend in the entire world made me so happy when she called me and said she bought a plane ticket for April to come meet Peyton!  But there are so many more people that are missing out and it breaks my heart! It's easy for people to say they love her through pictures but there's nothing like looking into her eyes and your heart literally exploding from the amount of love this tiny being can give! I am just now coming to terms that being close to home is not in the cards for us for quite some time but it's really hard! I take tons of pictures everyday so everyone back home can see her grow and change but it's just not the same.  

I will always be learning in my role as a mother. You can only prepare yourself so much and no amount of research or "practice" can prepare you for that moment of meeting your child and how your going to raise them.

Since February 7th, the longest i've slept consecutively was a 4 hour span(twice); I've had spit up in my hair just after a shower; not to mention not showering for too many days it's embarrassing to admit(2 okay 3),  been pee'd on and pooped on several times, changed countless diapers, given countless kisses, cried countless times, questioned myself and am I doing this parent thing right? But I wouldn't trade any of it for the life I lived before. In just a month, Peyton has changed my life. I love her more than I could ever express in words. She is the blessing that I needed in my life to feel complete. 
We are all created and put on this earth to do something great. I didn't know what that was until I met her. She is the greatness in my life. I pray for a healthy, long life filled with so much happiness and love for her and I thank God every single day for giving me such a special little lady to love. 

1 Month Old! 

Thanks for stopping by and I will post again soon :-)